Reflections over a cup of chai

Hello and once again my sincere apologies for posting so sporadically. It is hard to believe that we are almost in June and this is my first post for the year – surely, I could not have been that busy ?! Well, it is what it is but I miss contributing to Aalayam regularly. I have to thank our guest authors for keeping us afloat in the interim.

I hesitate to apologize prematurely because I am not sure if I have the bandwidth to get back to regular programming just yet. “One day at a time“ has been my overarching mantra this year and I am sticking with it.  I finally found myself limping back to Aalayam this weekend for a  (much needed) creative break and it feels good to be back in my home away from home – so let’s enjoy our time together, shall we?  Join me for tea dear readers for I’ve missed you very much.

I am turning 40 this year and I find myself being reflective often – I suppose it is the thing to do as this milestone b’day approaches. Seems like I am required to look back and ponder before the next chapter begins.  Here’s a few life lessons I have learnt along the way,  (nothing ground breaking) and yet I am sure the wisdom will resonate with all of you.

-     -  Put your family first. It does not come easy, because I take mine for granted all the time and I have to intentionally re-learn this ever so often but I am getting better at it and at the end of the day, there is nothing more important than FAMILY- the folks that see you at your worst and still stick around!

-       -Know your passion and your purpose. Again, this has not been easy and I have had to take several detours career-wise before I could course correct. My struggles have filled me with immense gratitude and almost ironically I feel more fulfilled because of how hard the road was. I hope I have taught my kids what it means to persevere- because the only thing to do is to keep going and I live by that.

-       -Develop an identity and by this I mean know who you are, what you like and what you don’t. I have struggled with this – I have tried to fulfill other people’s expectations and allowed myself to become emotionally spent. I am slowly learning that I am my only locus of control and it is freeing in many ways to say yes and even more so to say no. It has been liberating to know who is actually worth it and respecting myself has meant  learning to let go and be o.k with it.

-       -Self care is important and I SUCK at it! I do. At least I am acknowledging it and I hope that’s a start. I have pushed my health and fitness needs to the side and I really have no excuse and that’s all I have to say about that. I hope I can come back soon and say that’s changed and I have a sacrosanct fitness regimen, till then I will have to live with this awareness of what I am not doing!

-       Do not apologize for who you are - People often remark at my perfectionism. For the longest time I did not know how to react to that word. Now at 40, I have learnt to own it and happily acknowledge that I am a brand!  Yes – I know that if I take something on willingly, I will do it well and I do not feel guilty about that. I’ve realized that it is not so much about a perfect outcome as it is about wanting to give my 100 percent and I take pride in that!

-       -Write down your goals. I have never done it – yes, never! But I do to-do lists all the time and things get done! So, why not write down your goals, dreams, wishes – things that you want to accomplish someday – even if it is something as simple as buying those red stilettos! I am going to do it- because every once in a while, I hear that inner voice ask me if this is it –a fiercely demanding job and an equally onerous role as a mother?  Maybe I need a to do-list for the next chapter, to keep me on my toes and silence that inner critic?

-       -Help others. I don’t think I need to say anything else about that at all.

-      - Live for today! I guess all these midlife reflective moments sort of have me in panic. As I reevaluate priorities and transition into being a real grown up and reflect on raising kids, saving for retirement, staying healthy I feel this uneasy feeling wash over me but my husband calmly reminds me that life is all about living in the moment because that is all you are guaranteed- the present moment! And nothing can be a greater exercise in mindful living than savoring the cup of chai (or your favorite beverage) in front of you. And this is my biggest lesson as I head into the next decade – to savor in quietude!

Cheers!

Deepa

p.s: all pics are from our home and may not be reproduced without permission.

From the rasoi - Memories woven around food!

I love food, plain and simple! Now, that qualifies me to pen down a post on food – don’t you think? 

This post is mostly about the wonderful memories woven around food and the many conversations that are spring boarded off the food on our rasoi table. It is also about  family, culture and traditions all preserved via food! Someday, I hope to look back at these pictures and tell stories of  festivities and celebrations, of holidays and Sunday mornings, of family gatherings and date nights and of new accomplishments added to my repertoire! In the meanwhile, I hope to indulge the inner foodie in you!

In this post, I present a series of images that are essentially snapshots from my life over the past couple of years captured via simple home made food!

My grandmother is an excellent cook! She has that magic touch and eating her food is an out-of-this world experience that will leave you licking your fingers long after the food is gone! I don’t know what it is that makes her cooking so exceptional – perhaps her astute sense for proportions! For me, she is the exemplar cook. 

My own tryst with cooking began as (failed) experiments on my newly married husband!  Dismayed by my lack of intuition and perplexed by the intricacies of cooking, I felt defeated. Even simple recipes challenged  me, cookbooks and internet recipes were of no help (‘coz I simply did not have what it took to put everything together) and cooking soon became a chore I dreaded.

 I think the turning point for me (and thank God for that!) came after the birth of my son when my mom stayed with us for a few months to help out. 

What I lacked in intellect and instinct I made up for via interest. I started paying attention and asking a lot of questions. I also learnt that cooking requires patience (tons of it) to create that harmonious and balanced blend of flavors. Slowly but surely, I blossomed, not into a gourmet cook but into an everyday cook. One that can now confidently whip up a decent meal for her family and enjoy the process too! I think I have redeemed myself and am at ease in the kitchen now!

These days I cook. Gleefully! Sometimes, a comfort food that I am craving for or a lunch box treat that my mom used to pack lovingly for my brother and me or a dish uniquely assigned to a festival (a family tradition), a new recipe or  a simple weekend request from the boys. I am cautiously venturing into new areas too! I learnt to bake and savored the joy of freshly baked  last year! 

This year, I want to cook my way through a North Karnataka (my husband’s cuisine) thali as a surprise for him (shshshsh- don’t tell him).

Inspite of the many imported preferences for other cuisines, as a family, we still find ourselves craving for the comfort of what is familiar food wise. Some days, all you want is rice and rasam  - nothing urbane, nothing fiddly! We maintain our cultural identity via food and I am sure that I thread strands of culture in to our life via our food customs.

O.K. I admit I cheated with this one - the sweet treats and the savory snacks were made by my mom :) but I will take credit for the decor!

 I secretly hope that these traditions will  become a fond part of my son’s childhood memories!

Over time I have come to appreciate and enjoy the art and science of cooking. It has taught me to live in the present and appreciate  the quotidian. 

As I savor the aroma and the flavors emanating from the simmering spices, I learn a little bit more about who I am and what I want to pass along. 

As I continue to explore the wonders of food and experiment with global cuisines too, I hope to bring my culinary snapshots to you all periodically. But first, tell me – how do you connect with food? Do you eat for sustenance or do you share a deeper and a more intimate connection with food? I would love to hear from you! We can perhaps have a tete-a-tete over a cup of adrak chai?

If you liked this post, then I recommend you go back and read Supriya's post on plated street food - the great Indian Chaat. You will love it (I love browsing through our archives and finding something fun to revisit) and make sure you scroll down all the way to the comments section of that post to read about her special connection to Gobi Manchurian! 
Supriya is up next. I hope you like the fact that we are constantly mixing things up. Decor, artist features, cuisine, culture, art, posts with a social message, home tours, travel - we are having a lot of fun with this, I hope you are too. Thank you for reading Aalayam.

Cheers!
Deepa

p.s: All the images in this post are from my home and taken by my husband. Please do not use without permission.